Childoftherockgarden's Blog

History of a young, retired Educator

Why Didn’t I Know? June 22, 2017

Filed under: 2017,Billy,Granddad,Pancreatic Cancer,Poetry — childoftherockgarden @ 3:39 pm

For months, you knew you were dying

Why didn’t I know?

For weeks, we were told “eventually, this cancer will kill you”
“You will die from this cancer”
You wanted to fight for “the more”

You knew you were dying.

Why didn’t I know?

“Eventually” gave me hope, always——-“not yet”

For weeks, I gathered my hope dreams and clung to every word the doctors and nurses said, that suggested in any minute way that you were getting better-“improving”- another flash of hope in my mind
I heard that word rarely-just a word heard one day, and the next day-
GONE

You knew you were dying.

Why didn’t I know?

For days, your sweet, thoughtful words became fewer.
I wanted to keep talking, keep living, keep ignoring the approaching storm.
Stupid questions rattled you: “How are you feeling today?”  “What hurts?” “What’s wrong?”
Pushing you-pushing you-urging you to rally
That elusive hope of fixing things again, kept returning for me
Prayer
Prayer
Prayer
Hope
Let’s go back:
– to porch sitting under yellow glow
– rock waterfall sounds with silent koi weaving
– long political banter (please, no, but I yearn for experiencing that again with you now)
– waltzing with you to the sweet accordion melody in the Presidential gardens of Spain
– listening to your glorious Spanish float off of your tongue
– loving your deep kisses and daily greetings
– laughing with you as we conversed with our many pets
– loving you forever and always.

You knew you were dying.

Why didn’t I know?

For one week, you played and made faces with grandson, Bennett, sitting with you on your bed. He smiled and laughed with you. Bennett was your hope, your goal – being Bennett’s “Au-dad” was everything you always wanted in this life
That day, Hope filled my air Then-encouraging words from doctor
“no evidence of cancer spreading”

One day
Wednesday

You knew you were dying.

Why didn’t I know?

Thursday, you stopped communicating with us, your eyes lost and hazy
Where did you go?
We waited for hope words from your doctor
In the hallway, I get “He’s dying. I can’t fix him.”
I react. How can that be?
Yesterday, so encouraging. Did you do a new test?
How do you know?
“He’s dying”

You knew you were dying.

Why didn’t I know?

Friday, you slowly departed further from us.
We waited; we questioned; we reacted; we soothed each other-loving family
No greater love from a family-for you

You knew you were dying.

Why didn’t I know?

What difference would it have made had I known? We would have lived our “more”
-loved more deeply.
More love, more family times, more talks, more moonlit walks, more dailies, more travelling, more love, more forever.

You knew you were dying.

Why didn’t I know?

Friday, your 6-month journey with us ended, with your beloved family surrounding you You fought; you loved; you rallied
You did all of this for Bennett and family and all of the “more”
We loved you deeply and we love you still

You knew you were dying.

Why didn’t I know?

Terry Grosvenor     June 22, 2017

 

LIFE CHANGES IN BUT, A MOMENT May 16, 2017

Filed under: 2017,Abilene,Billy,Daily NEWS,Family,Granddad,Pancreatic Cancer,Poetry — childoftherockgarden @ 3:38 am

37 years

37 abundant moments

37 pauses and reflections of enduring love

37 enriched memories-two, as one

EVERGREEN

Enlightened

Discussions of wisdom and truth

Togetherness

Boys pure and delightful; creations of wonder

Family; four together; never to be separated

Always one for all and all for one

Love conquers all

Love endures

Love seemingly gone in a flash, but etched in our minds and hearts forever.

Love eternal

                                                                                                                     Terry Grosvenor                                                                                                                                      May 15, 2017

 

Sitting By My Love May 2, 2017

Filed under: 2017,Billy,Pancreatic Cancer — childoftherockgarden @ 10:26 am

My love,

No longer adorned with gentle, green bells ringing in the arrival of brandy-cherry roses,  draped merrily in tiers of fern,                                                                                                          amidst vibrant orange lillies,                                                                                              trumpeting the soul’s rising.

The soft peace of fragrant white roses now masked by raked-over soil and muted grass,  too fast his beauty erased.

No color

Silence

Only the swirling breeze returns the memory of his touch to my tear-worn face.

Faint Spanish guitar dances beside me, as

I lay a small bouquet of daisies sent from a long-ago friend,

On the yellowed grass

While repeating words of love to him, as

The last lovely guitar chord is strummed,

Visions of floating waltzes drift off  in the distance.

Terry Grosvenor                                                                                                                                       May 2, 2017

 

Missing Billy April 14, 2017

Filed under: 2017,Billy,Pancreatic Cancer,Poetry — childoftherockgarden @ 9:12 am

Sorrow enfolds me

Weaving within and around my heart

Encapsulating my soul

In Silence

Terry Grosvenor                                                                                                                                       April 14, 2017

 

Watercolor World February 19, 2017

Filed under: 2017,365 Greetings of Giving,TK Cards — childoftherockgarden @ 5:00 pm

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What do you do on a depressing day, when everything appears dark and gloomy?                   Answer:  Watercolor Away.  Today, I had a little time to play around with my Kuretaki Japanese watercolors, resulting in 12 “Thank you” cards to begin my 2017 365 Cards Project.  I experimented with several interesting techniques, which I plan to use again in the future.  Maybe it is not too late to get some of my delinquent sentiments mailed to friends and family, who have helped us through some very difficult times.   Once again,  the cards are much prettier in “real time”.  Watercoloring definitely perked me up a bit.

 

For the Love of Golf February 17, 2017

Filed under: 2017,Dallas,Granddad — childoftherockgarden @ 2:23 pm

Granddad, Brett, Bennett, Leanna & Granty K enjoying the Brookhaven Driving Range

 

Our World

Filed under: 2017,Billy,Dallas,Our Current Life — childoftherockgarden @ 2:00 pm

 

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Brookhaven Country Club (Jordan Spieth’s Dallas Club)     February 17,2017                                Billy & Terry Our Current Life:                                              Do What You Love with All You Have